Real Life Fairy Tale
by kekame
Summary: Every guy wants Haruhi. The twins size up their competition and decide Haruhi would go for a two for one deal. Told from Hikaru's POV


Once upon a time… (That's a good start, right?) There was a strange kingdom with a lovely princess that exemplified beauty. She was the desire of every noble and prince. However, she disguised herself as one of the princes so that only the nobles and princes knew of her beauty.

One day, two glorious twin princes sat down and said to one another. "Brother, let us size up our competition for this princess!" (sfx: Da du du nuh!)

well, they thought... there was this noble kid. He was 16 years old, but everyone thought he was like, 8, cause he was shorter than a standard trash can. He cried most days, probably because he didn't have a twin. The twin princes laughed at the mere idea of him being a suitor. The noble kid had a cousin that although tall, dark, and handsome, was about as expressive as a stump. Far from a proper suitor to the brilliant and intellectual princess.

There was also a man, in fact, the right hand man of "the lonely king", though many suspected the manipulative man to be secretly in complete control of the entire kingdom. He wore glasses and had hair as black as night. He sulked in dark corners calculating numbers thinking about how much money the kingdom had. Despite this, he was a good, kind man, and one day mentioned to the twin princes, "If only I too, could be a twin, then I would be 50 more productive. What a shame." He was tall, dark, and handsome, but in the end, he concluded that it was of no financial benefit for him to marry a princess of common background.

Now, the kingdom was ruled by a man known as "the lonely king" (he was lonely probably because he didn't have a twin and because he couldn't get a girlfriend cause the princess always rejected him). Why they called him the king was just that it sounded good at the time. No one actually respected him or did what he said. In fact, the king spent most of his time running around after the gorgeous princess, getting rejected every single time. (Actually, I'm gonna change his name to "the lonely prince" now cause it was pretty darn hopeless for him to actually get hooked up with the princess.) Yes. It was entirely hopeless. There was no chance he'd ever get close to her. After this startling realization, he came up to the gorgeous twin princes and told them "You always have each other, but I am always such a loner! If only I too, could have been born a twin!" The two glorious twin princes noted that the king as a suitor had a probability of zero of getting the princess.

The rest of the populace thought the lovely princess was a man, and the women all swooned. No one was jealous of this, except "the lonely prince" about whom it was to be concluded, he could be jealous of anything that walked. (and even some things that didn't)

There was a prince from a neighboring kingdom known as "the dark cat prince". He carried his pet cat with him everywhere he went, talking to it affectionately and asking it to curse the people around him. Unbeknownst to him, the cat was actually a beanie baby. No one took this prince seriously except for "the lonely prince" who was in constant fear of having his kingdom cursed by the wretched feline. The glorious twin princes laughed at the terrible idea of the two of them together in any way. Especially after "the dark cat prince" mumbled: "If only I too, could have been born a twin, that someone would have understood my love for darkness... and kittens."

The two brothers once again sat down together. "What shall we do, dear brother?" The younger one said, "There is no competition for us, but which one of us will she choose?" Both of them agreed that the princess was a bodacious babe. The older twin lovingly grabbed the younger's chin. "Listen," he whispered a devious idea into the others ear. The other grinned like a cheshire cat, and nodded. "She's ours." 

One day the commoner-girl-turned-princess gazed into the lovely eyes of the twin princes. She said these words: "If only I too, could have been born a twin... one of me could distract 'the lonely prince' and the other one of me could enjoy the time I spend with you." (Isn't that sweet?)

She then glanced at their hot bods and practically passed out. Upon regaining composure, the three of them decided to get a bite to eat. They had a lovely time eating commoner pizza, and stayed up till one in the morning by drinking commoner coffee. They laughed and had fun together playing commoner board games that you had to have 3 or more players to play. Then they brought out the twister mat, and fate was sealed from that point on.

This is how the lovely princess, a true commoner at heart, ended up with a two for one deal.

The end.


End file.
